ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
