and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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