i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
