what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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