there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
