can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
