u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
