Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
