You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think people are normalizing furries
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
