His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Acid is not a monday night drug
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
