too bad you live with your parents still
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
