A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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