the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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