yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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