I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
well, you know. whores of a feather.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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