then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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