We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
