dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
