i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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