Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
