so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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