My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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