He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
