I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
