After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish life had little blips of pornography
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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