you guys were way drunker than both of me
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
