The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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