Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
