shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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