I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
