I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The adults are the big ones right?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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