Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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