he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
