It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
