Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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