Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
