we have officially mastered the walk of shame
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
