Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
