this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
