it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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