Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
