My first STD was from a foam party
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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