But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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