So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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