Pappa wants mamma naked
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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