4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
God, you're like boner-b-gone
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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