Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
you didnt know i had herpes?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
