why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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