i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
