singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
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