god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
