She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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