he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
