No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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